matt

Today has to be the worst day thus far in terms of job searching. There's been nothing posted today thus far. I applied to another job that is part time and below what I need but I feel compelled to at least apply for the jobs just for the sake of applying.

I got a letter in the mail yesterday from the state unemployment office and the amount of money I get is a joke. Well, the good news is I qualify for the most the state will hand out. The bad news is that amounts to less than a month's mortgage payment for a month! This is ridiculous.

There was something that made me laugh and it was posted on craigslist...

You visit CL, week after week
Searching the list, for a job that you seek
And line after line, a true job you scour
What is this? A web design job for $10 an hour?

$10 an hour, maybe I'll call
But I could make more this, working at the mall
Four years of training, and hitting the books
$10 an hour?, these employers are crooks

But wait an internship, working for free
A full time position, a sure possibility
But only after, I've put in 6 months
Working for free, and paying for lunch

My web career, I had such high hopes
Building a business, learning the ropes
Thanks Craig's List, I think I'll retire
Back to the mall, Verizon will hire

Thus far into the job search, I've come up with one interview but it's in Clermont (an hour away) and the listing has a terrible pay scale, but I feel obligated to at least check it out. I don't know what's worse...being unemployed or not being able to get any job interviews. 90% of the positions I find are for contract, which means they aren't full time and usually just one project and the pay is crap.

So I'm frustrated and worried and it sucks. I like to think I'm talented at what I do and can be a good employee....I never take sick days, always show up on time, get along with lots of people yet that doesn't seem to matter at all.

Today is day one of being unemployed and I hate it already. I feel like a degenerate and despite my best efforts to apply to as many jobs as I can with well written cover letters and call backs about the positions, I get nothing. It frustrates me to no end because unlike the last time when I was layed off, this time I have a house to my name and I have a constant fear in my mind that we're going to lose the house.

It's bad enough not having a job, but the house seems like a much bigger worry. It's enough to keep me from being able to fall asleep at night and during the day, every time I check a job site and I see nothing, my mind races around the possibility of losing the house. I hate it and it's only been one day. I hate how nobody has the courtesy to just write back "No" so you can move on. I hate walking around the house with no direction. I hate the fear, angst, frustration and depression. I just want a new job with a steady pay check that I can reasonably enjoy and be productive at.

So I've cut the lawn twice now at our new house and I've killed two snakes thus far. The first time, was a complete surprise while Marissa was trimming the sides of the lawn and hit the snake with the weed wacker. She then gave up lawn work and I was called in to "finish the job". We went to Home Depot, found a shovel that looked like it was good at killing snakes and executed the sucker. Tonight I cut the lawn once more and was prepared for the possibility and sure enough, I spotted another one out of the corner of my eye, grabbed my killing shovel and offed him too. If I see another one, I'm going to have to call some dude to come professional kill them (I'm still a mere amateur).

When I'm not decreasing the local reptile population, we've been busy buying things for the house but I'm looking forward to this weekend when I can enjoy some quality time at home and really getting a feel for things. The kids across the street came over to talk with me and they're very nice but I wonder how much I could pay them to kill my snakes for me....

So we were supposed to be paid this past Friday and we still haven't been paid. They are saying now Thursday but the writing is on the wall....this company is on it's way out and I'm sick to my stomach. It's never a good time to lose your job but now with the house it makes things even more of a problem. Nothing has been determined for certain but even if we are paid on Thursday, who's to say we'll be paid again for the next time. I've begun searching for a new job in earnest because frankly, I've lost confidence in this company and I have to be responsible and try to find another avenue before this one completely closes.

More than anything, I really hate the situation I'm in and wish I could just find a solid position that would allow me to really dive into the things I enjoy working with. Truthfully this job I'm in allowed me that, but I guess the financials of things are entirely another issue. More than ever, I now see the value in my old job at the University of New Haven where consistency was the name of the game.